I am unable to
connect the dots that form
a whole picture of
this mess who is my son.
Stories conflict plans are
made then unmade maybe
never made at all just
fabricated in his
quest to manipulate
my world insinuate
himself back into a
position of power
from which his illness will
infect me bring me once
more into the cyclone
of co-dependant craziness
he so craves and that would
drive my life like a run-
away bus straight over
the edge of a steep cliff.
© cj Schlottman - 2011
7 comments:
Your weariness, pain and frustration are so beautifully expressed - I wish you peace and a fair resolution.
Parenting is the most dual edged thing ever... on one hand it is entirely gratifying. On the other? A bus over the cliff........ I feel this poem well, trust me on my son's life!
moving and insightful.
besides being moved, i also like going back over your pieces and examining your tricks. i like the disjointed spacing that disappeared to make way for an accelerating runaway bus.
:)
I don't know what his illness is but, they do try their level best to manipulate the people in their lives to use to their own advantage. I'm sorry you're in this position. Sometimes being strong and refusing to enable is so hard to do.
Your prose is heartfelt.
I read about your son in the other blog and I understand that he is as much a victim of his own brain. But it is difficult to live them at the same time....a yoyo that makes you guilty for wanting a better life...moving words that hit home. My Ex suffers/ed from delusional disorder specially the grandiose and jealous aspects, aggravated(most likely brought on) by his dictator father and "forever tying him to her apron string" emotionally blackmailing mother, worsened because he refused to acknowledge a problem, let alone seek treatment...Guilt of desertion was what kept me tied to him for 7 years even after my marriage died in the first six months.
CJ, I felt your pain. I'm so sorry. Beautifully written. laurie
moving words.
well put.
welcome join our community, the gooseberry garden, week 7 theme: love and love lost.
we are open Sunday, 8pm until Thursday, 8pm.
stay poetic, keep your muses fly.
random poems are welcome too.
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