Crisp, clean shaven
no hint of booze on
your breath, you arrive
with your new girlfriend
the one you say makes
you feel like
you never felt,
the one you say you
want to marry.
You recross your legs
tug at starched cuffs
fish for compliments.
There is talk of orchids
her hobby and mine
as you fidget.
I like her at once
this girl you say will
drive out your demons.
I need to believe this
girl who knows all your
secrets and loves you anyway
is not just another person
for you to use up, suck dry.
I ignore the warning
sting behind my breasts
smile and fight back the urge
to leap to my feet
shove her toward the door
scream for her to run
escape while she can.
Instead I choose to lie
to myself, allow my
love for you, ill-spent
and wasted, to blind me.
I owe this girl the truth
but if I tell her all
she will abandon you.
Then who will suffer with me?
© cj Schlottman
